Classic KZ Frustration

Posted on September 24, 2009

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If a friend with weed is a friend indeed, what would that make me? Apparently shit. I had 2 people flag on me tonight the second they learned that the Kev-sponsored blunt would be absent from the equation.

Keep showing those colors, fellas…

 

 This can’t be life…

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Well, I did it again. I managed to stay up all night. I spent hours reconnecting with people from my past. High school, grade school, ex-girlfriends, and dudes I knew. Only a few have gotten back today, but the connections made were meaningful. I took Chili Dogg (that’s D-O-double G, like Snoop) out at 6:30am, and it was 14 degrees outside. I get typing, and I tend to tune everything out, even sleep. (When I do finally fall asleep at my desk, I’ll take it as my hint to go to sleep earlier next time.) At about 7:15-7:30, I decided to go lay down. I set an alarm for 10am and went to sleep. When I woke up well into the 3pm hour, I factored in the weather, and decided that today was a wash. I checked email and showered (the shower is actually where I thought of tonight’s topic.) By 5pm, I pulled the Lex out the garage (first time I’ve used it since moving in.) Cigarette run, Taco Bell drive-thru, and I was back home for the evening. LOL Didn’t exactly set the world on fire today, huh? Well, that isn’t your concern, now is it? Besides, I have about ten things on the to-do list for tomorrow, so I’ll make up for it. I needed a day of rest… 

I stay up damn late for a guy whose job has him working normal daytime hours. I always said that I should be a CEO of a big company. Bad Boy CEO Diddy mentioned once that he sleeps only 4 hours a night. That stuck with me. You don’t get shit accomplished if you get a full 8 hours of sleep (like I did today.)

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Well, I was up and awake until 5:15am again. I just can’t sleep. Finally, I laid down (should have just stayed up at that point.) See where this is going!?

 

Scheduled to work at 9:30. Got a decent-sized order to make up when I get there, then open the shop. Forecast called for rain instead of snow last night, so I didn’t garage the car. I wake up, at 11:15am! I called the shop, and let the other guy there know what happened. I was on my way. I shower and run out the door. The weatherman was wrong. My car is covered with snow. Not only do I now have to brush it all off before I can roll out, but parking it out in the cold makes it not want to start. Plus, my doors like to freeze shut (or open if I do manage to get it open)…well, door…for some time now, I’ve also had to climb in and out of the passenger door like an asshole.) Chili runs off. Today I was dumb enough to wear a pair of Jordans…snow is _caked_ on them by now. Ugh. Head to work. As I was already late, I knew my day would go much worse with no cigarettes, so I hit the drive-through. I leave there, realizing that I am in the final stretch now. First set of tracks I encounter (Hudson Dr,) I find myself waiting for a train! I still had to drop Chili at my aunts before work, which I then did. When I get there, I remember that I can’t turn the car off. It may not start, remember? I’m laying across seat now, fighting to get her house key off my ring. Got it. I ended up about 2.5 hours late for work (this pissed me off in itself, as I’m usually REALLY good at staying up late, and still functioning early.) Tomorrow, I work at 6am (huge order for 7 elementary schools.) I simply must make it…if anybody happens to already be up, feel free to make 4:30 wake-up calls to me!  

 

This is the average level of daily frustration I face.

 

This can’t be life…

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I began writing the conclusion of this post at about 12:30…just now at 3:45am, the FUCKING window I was typing in crashed and closed. Pages and pages of insight and perspective lost. My back is KILLING me from slouching in this uncomfortable chair for so long. In my mind, the prospect of the fiinished product made the pain worth enduring. I just typed for over three hours; every ridiculous and frustrating event that made up my one, perfect, shitty day….GONE; as if this little piss-ant paragraph is all I had accomplished tonight. Perhaps this was just the Grand Finale of a truly awful day. Everything I had written has led perfectly up to this.

For fuck’s sake, I give up. (Sorry folks, human nature. Blinding rage brings out the potty-mouth.)

Well everybody, I guess you’ll never understand me now (not til tomorrow’s post anyway.) Marky-Mark, I don’t blame you at all, but I think it happened when your message hit my yahoo box.  I suddenly noticed that you had written, and in a blink (without clicking anything,) it was all gone. (perhaps I can sue yahoo and/or Microsoft; maybe buy a better chair)…I had 3 windows open at the time; youtube, yahoo, and myspace.

All I can do is laugh, right? I’d go hurl myself off the Y-Bridge right now, but it is _way_ too cold outside for that shit (that’s probably more of a summer way to check out…guess I’ll go get some sleep.)

 Please, somebody…make sense of this. I just got fucked out of the myspace version of an A+ paper……I am speechless. I could fucking cry out of frustration right now.

A Day In The Life Of The Unluckiest Man In The World

Honestly, can this many bad things really happen to one person? If so, how long can this person keep on pushing before he has a complete fucking meltdown? You have to really have a LOT of things in your life go wrong to beat out all the born losers out there for the title

Unluckiest Man In The World…

That would be me…case in point, today. Yeah, I stayed up all night again. I knew I had to work at 9:30. I also knew that it was snowing off and on all night…because I was up (youtube, myspace, and e-mail compounded form a strong drug, worthy of stringent FDA regulation…harder to kick than any other substance out there.) When staying up all night, you hit the “point of no return;” you see the time, and realize that it is easier to just stay up than to try waking up after a short nap. You KNOW you won’t get up, so you say fuck it, and keep typing. At 6:15am, I noticed the City of CF snow plow trucks clearing my street. Cool, I thought; I’m up, the streets are clear, and I am pretty well prepared for work today. My morning should be a breeze. After a 2-hour rest (wide awake, but laying around,) I woke up to Adam (the driver I am to be working with today) pounding on my door. As the Lexus has decided that starting is optional on cold days, He came by in case I needed a jump. I gathered my wits, let him in, and loaded my pockets…..

 Still paying attention? Just checking. I’ll wrap this bitch up like a blunt in a little bit…gotta go handle something else going wrong….

This CERTAINLY can’t be life…-KZ

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Here we go again…

I think today was purgatory. Not good, not bad, just a day. Nice of God to let me serve a little bit of that sentence now, while I’m still alive. My mood is slightly better than yesterday. Perhaps the following won’t be so angry, but I’m not optimistic. Got a few people I need to call out, though:

You know what really grinds my gears?

People who leave their pumkins and jack-o’-lanterns out way after Halloween. As of this writing, Halloween was 17 days ago. Here in Cuyahoga Falls, trick-or-treating was done a week before that. I still have people on my street with half-rotten pumpkins sitting out. These same people would bitch if I were to start tossing garbage in my yard. Human worthlessness on display…

We are in Ohio. It is snowing. If the pumpkins on your porch have snow accumulating on them, throw them the fuck out! (It’s as tacky as having a christmas tree up in June.) That is nature’s way of telling you that you are a hillbilly and you need to clean your porch. Typically, I wouldn’t give a shit if my neighbors scrapped an old school bus on their front lawn…that just makes me look better with even less effort. I don’t know why I even care, but it bugs me. You people walk, and even drag trash cans by them weekly, yes? Throw them the fuck out!

Then there are the people who feel compelled to “knock on wood” when they hear an ominous prediction. Some even walk aroung the room seeking wood to knock on. I want to unload in the face of people who do that. Is it an attempt to please some ‘god of luck?’ Perhaps it’s an OCD thing? Tell you what…next time you have to “knock on wood,” think bigger. You can’t earn good luck with a measley little knock…go big! Stick your entire hand directly into a blender running at “Puree.” That’ll show that you REALLY don’t want that minor prediction to come true! I’m sure it won’t…

Plus, as you attempt to knock on wood next time with stumps, you’ll realize just how fucking stupid it is to do so in the first place. The saddest part is, there are a lot of smart, successful people who seem to do it. Ugh. Lame.

(Just writing about that makes me wish I had Hennessy in the house.)

Shots out at Trigger Mike; Try not to hurt ’em, shorty! The safety is in front of the trigger. Are you home posing in the mirror, tough-talking in a fictional confrontation? (Luckily, I anticipated him having an accidental discharge, and took the necessary steps. I replaced his shotshells with rounds filled with Jelly Belly jelly beans. When the fateful day does arrive, he can enjoy a snack on me, instead of bleeding to death on his nice new carpets.) If he hurts himself with it and tries to sue me, watch how fast I become Miguel Sanchez and skip town. Don’t want that to happen…better knock on wood (If you agreed with that last part, go blend yourself for being an idiot…we just covered that!)

(Kev pauses to light a cigarette)

Also in my path tonight, is the issue of the national media refusing to draw the correlation between the war, and our economy going to shit. They blame banks, Wall Street, and ‘corporate greed’ (as if corporate greed were some tangible target for blame. Can we take ‘corporate greed’ to court? It’s vague, hence easy to attack.)

Fighting a multiple-front war can’t be cheap. The only people making money right now (and I mean big dollars) are the same few who were making it going into said war….(well, them and the barnacles who attach themselves to celebrities…but that rant comes later.) Not wanting to be the guy who bitches about something without also offering up a solution, here’s what we can do:

Let Mr. Obama live up to his campaign promise of change. Bring our boys home, put them to work rebuilding America. We wouldn’t have to worry about job shortages if they were simply reassigned to jobs here, created specifically for them (on their current salaries.) Imagine how well-protected our borders would be if we had soldiers playing Hands Across America around the perimiter.

I’m sure some would have a problem with my plan. “They are heros, they deserve better,” etc. Yea, but consider this:

I’ve got buddies in the military…a lot of them are so anxious to get trigger time, it’s scary. They are thrilled about the prospect of killing. Perhaps the American government doesen’t WANT them all back? Soldiers are PROPERTY, like robots. Even if they think they are  too good to fill potholes on a road crew…you’re home, here’s your new assignment, and you are not getting shot at. Appreciate it!

How many soldiers over there would jump at the chance to come back and work a pedestrian job, just to be with family and not risk death daily? Well, unless they work in Cleveland. Get us out of the Middle East and play defense here. Most insurgents in the street wars over there will never come to America. They can chant in the rubble, burn all the effigies and flags they want (not that flag-burning should be overlooked, but do we really have to enter a dick-measuring contest with everyone we disagree with?) Fine, they are not my problem. 

Come home, kick back, get laid, Play some Call of Duty 4, and keep lookout from here. Strategically park some troops around us. It’s not invading or occupying if our guys are hanging out in Canada. I think that is what is most offensive to these nut-jobs. We are babysitting them, and they feel they don’t need it.

Ready? Here comes the change part:

Leave them unattended. Let them drink the Draino under the sink. If they choose to weaponize the Draino and bring it here, we kill or capture them. I know, sounds a little simplistic…and it is.  

The current war honestly is a no-win situation. We will face further attack and resistance no matter what we do. Might as well not give the enemy home-court advantage as well. It’s bad enough that we are viewed in the world arena how we are; as barbarians, Vikings, and cowboys. I’m sure there are many political and financial factors that are keeping us there (reasons we will never know.) Let the enemy take itself down with in-fighting.

I say let the Middle East collapse on itself, making us the ultimate superpower again by default. Let Israel fight the good fight the best they can, but stay out of it. Right now, we are their big, fat friend on the playground; ready to jump in if they start to lose a fight. That’s punk shit. They are not here mediating whenever we have a dispute with Canada or Mexico. Hey U.S, stay the fuck out of it, especially when my tax dollars are sponsoring you.

The state of America is like a Young Jeezy quote: “…it ain’t all bad, but it ain’t all good, homie.”

America is so divided now. Poor people continue to be poor. Middle class people are fighting hard to maintain their status of false-propped elitism. They like to tell themselves “at least I’m not poor,” while acting and spending well above their station. Rich people are still buying diamonds and hot cars, but probably not as many. We are all divided by race. Some of us believe in Obama and hope he will “help us.” Others would love to see him never make it to the White House in January. This is why we are ALL falling behind. Too much time and effort is being spent bickering and giving our useless opinions (much like I’m doing here, but I seek nothing more than self-expression; mission accomplished,go me.) All we can really do is work hard, do for self, and hope our “new” government doesn’t fuck us over too hard in the 4-8 years.

On a side note, mad props to President-Elect Obama. You may not like him, but he’s got balls. Think he doesn’t get all those text messages and fwds too? He knows he’s risking his life on the path he’s on. I hope he can make America better, even if only slightly. If you ever need a vest or gun Mr. President, I’d be honored to sell you one…cash only and all sales are final.

This can’t be life….-KZ  

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     Greetings, Cuyahoga Falls, Ohio!

On Dec. 10, I’ll have been back in Ohio for two years. Met a lot of people, moved a few times, did a lot of things that get you judged. I’ve done favors, and had some done for me. I have made a lot of observations. Some I have shared, but a lot, I have kept to myself. It’s about time I said something.

I’m a terribly nice guy. I’m searching for a good woman, and a loyal crew. So far I have found neither. My cold, defensive speech and how I carry myself have probably scared off a few good ones. Nobody knows ME. Nobody’s asked. Sometimes I feel like I’m losing my mind by carrying all these thoughts around alone.

The biggest injustice in my life is that so far, I have not been able to put these feelings to words, for others to understand.

Let the venting and bitching for today commence:

You don’t all have to like me, but you better learn the rules of living with me.

Don’t let my kind demeanor and slim frame fool you: 

1. I’m no softie. I was not born and raised in white-bread CF like a lot of you. I grew up in Akron, and spent 15 years in some of the grimiest parts of Florida. Break me off one God-damn ounce of disrespect publicly, and I will smack you in front of your bitch and friends. Fight back and you’ve got a gunfight on your hands. Talk shit then.

I don’t want that, you don’t want that…keep it civil. Do not fuck with people you don’t know. You don’t know what I am capable of, but I do. Don’t force me to show you. Fist-fighting ended in high school.

2. I am a responsible, level-headed gun owner. I have a concealed-carry permit. I also have no problem using them if provoked. Ever pull the trigger on another person? I have, and it was easy. He tried to rob me. Fuck him. I never want to have to do that again, but somewhere out there is a disrespectful asshole that is looking to bring problems my way. Not sure when or where it’ll be, so I stay ready for it. That’s how it’s always been. I NEVER look for a fight, but they always find me.

3. This is a small town. If you see me riding in traffic, be respectful. There is a lot of firepower on the other side of those dark tints. The two high school-aged kids in their mommy’s black Nissan 3 days ago, showed no respect. Brake-check me in front of the Schwebel’s plant for no reason? Drop windows and shit-talk me? Bitches, please.

Lord, forgive them, for they know not who they fuck with. Do you understand how close to death you both came? Fucking with grown folk will never end well for you. I was gripping and unholstering the Glock as the bowl-cut wearing passenger was mouthing nonsense out the window. Run up on me in a parking lot or drive-thru, game over. Get out of your car and TOUCH my door handle…death. I don’t fuck around when it comes to personal safety.

A lot of you know me, and how I am. My first 6 months in town, I wouldn’t even leave the house without my vest on. You people in this town have never seen what I have seen. Done what I’ve done. Risked what I risked. I don’t shit-talk or start beef with anybody and I expect that back. I don’t care how drunk you are.

4. If you are not man (or woman) enough to give your negative opinion to my face, you better keep those whispers far, far away from me. Things have a way of getting back in the Falls…

I am such a nice guy, but a majority of you have never taken the time to learn that. You and your cliques form opinions based on what you have heard, and who my family is…

Those who have dealt with me know that I am fair, fun, and cool as a fan. I use humor to fix everything. I’m accommodating as humanly possible, but I won’t be walked on. 

I’m also shitty with maintaining eye contact. There are several reasons for that:

1. You are an average, predictable sucka, and I don’t give a shit about what you’re about to say. I already know, and I don’t care.

2. I am constantly scanning my peripheral vision. I’m not just watching you, I’m taking in what’s happening behind you, supervising the 3 other things I have going on, keeping an eye on the bartender, and looking around the room at everybody. Would you prefer I develop a staring problem?

3. I have eternal sadness inside. I frown and look down. Stare into my eyes sometime and you will see hell. A wasted lifetime, bearing witness to hustling, violence, and betrayal. By looking into your eyes, I fear I will pass that hurt along. The last thing I want is you asking me, “What’s wrong?” You don’t have the answer to all my problems, so just let it go.

4. I am terribly shy. I won’t do deliveries at work because of it. I avoid new situations unless I am in a group. I seek allies. I’m afraid that by showing up at some strangers door, a life-or-death test will arise again. Call it post-traumatic stress. I need a shrink.

THEN THERE”S WORK:

You come into the pizza shop bitching because an extra six-dollar pizza has not been made, in case YOU happened to arrive and want one. Really? Is that your biggest problem in life? I’m sorry if you or anyone else has to wait for anything anywhere….now you want something free for it?

We always play the same game, don’t we? You make it a point to tell me that you have been upset by it. Inconvenienced even. That’s my favorite. Saying that means, “I want something for free, but I don’t want to look like a poor-ass scrub by just asking for it.”

But you never say that, do you. You push, get indignant, and demand things. Even if you are right, DO NOT try to strong-arm me for anything. Most likely, I was going to give you something free anyways. Order gets mixed up or delivery takes a little too long? I dig. I don’t mind making it up to you. I change my mind when you try to make me understand why you have something free coming.

I stand in line for a while whenever I go to Acme. Does that mean I should guilt the cashier into giving me something for free? She OWES me for my time? Fuck no. That’s selfish and lame. Sometimes waiting is a part of life. I thought we all learned that as children. Most CF people are ok about it…it’s the Silver Lake and Stow folks that could use a lesson… 

People get it in their heads that between 4 and 6pm, they are the only ones in town ordering food for delivery. Or when there is a big OSU or Browns game on….fuck everyone else, where is my food!? Well asshole, I have 8 deliveries here, and one driver to do all the running. You don’t like how the delivery is working out? How about un-gluing your fat ass from the plasma-screen for ten minutes, drive through the inclimate weather, and come pick it up. Problem solved. Plus, you saved a buck-fifty for a delivery fee. Win-win, yes? 

The guys in the shop are simple, hourly employees just like family members of yours, or you yourself.  We work long, thankless hours for minimal pay. Do you honestly think that berating and cussing at the guy making your food is going to work out for you?

Don’t look at me as the guy in the pizza shop. See me as a man. Another person. You want to swear at me? Fuck it, wait till I get off work and come say the same shit to me again; the random guy in the street. Better bring a firearm with you, though. Fist-fighting ended in high school, remember?

Then there’s the select breed that likes to threaten to call corporate on us, like we are dumb 16-year-olds. Sir, maam…I have faced death and walked away from it. Think I give two shits about your petty threats? Do your worst. The only time they do go to corporate, is when they are wrong and don’t get their way…then they embellish what actually happened.

This is my first blog entry, ever. Sorry it had to be so negative. I’m in a dark mood tonight, and the cold weather is enhancing it. I’ll be at the shop tomorrow, fresh-dressed and smiling. I’ll be happy to feed the whole town, but they must exercise patience.  

Don’t judge books by their covers…at least read the first few pages.

This can’t be life…

KZ

 

 

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