The Hip-Hop Chain Game

Posted on October 25, 2009


The Hip-Hop Chain Game  

The Chain Thread  

Wearing jewelry is some ill shit, yes? Diamonds and gold can be the perfect accent to the right outfit. The advent of platinum has turned the art of wearing jewelry into something else completely. In an effort to show the world that they’ve got it, some of the nation’s most ignorant, affluent 1% has completely lost touch with common sense. thugnificentGot the dough for it?  

Buy a ridiculous chain.CashMoneySometimes people go to buy ice, and they get giddy like a schoolgirl, “Ooh! I can’t wait for everyone to see me in this!” Since the jeweler (and/or record label) is offering, they might give you a few irresistible choices…don’t mean that you have to take them! Yeah, more is better; but at what point do you want to stop being admired, and start being stared at, by people with mouths agape, at your ignorance? I heard it in a Jay-Z song before; Memphis Bleek said: “the strong move silent, the weak start riots.” You start the proverbial riot by walking into a club or award show with pounds of diamonds on. You are being admired, not for your ability to make money, but your foolish knack for blowing it.chain7Wearing too much, or even wearing gold instead of an outfit can be mad tacky. High-profile celebrities and athletes are finding out too late that their quest to display vast wealth can end with a black eye, damaged pride and reputation; and an accompanying You Tube video of their victimization. Some of these cats in the rap game are trying so hard to show they got it, that they lose touch with reality. Just because a jeweler will front you a diamond-filled piece, does not necessarily mean that you’ll sell enough records to cover it; now you’re in their pocket. chain2chain6  

These are the same silly assholes that walk around local strip clubs with a hand full of cash, tossing some for no reason when they realize that they’ve ceased to be the center of attention for 5 whole seconds. These are unsure, insecure people who seek to buy approval from their peers. These people also tend to do outlandish things like drink from gas cans (Dumbass, I wish it was gasoline!) and pimp cups (whether dressed as a pimp, or in street clothes.)  



They also wear ridiculous shit that they can’t even pretend to like, just to stand out.  



 Who are these people, and what kind of shit are they showing off?  

Let’s break them down:  

First, we have the perpetrator who posts pics of their chain online; jewelry that was obviously made in Photoshop. The light flares suggest it, and really; who’d pay for such a stupid joint?fakeice  

Now we’ve got the real ice consumers…   

Lil Flip:chain8This Clover G has dropped more bread on jewelry than many other rappers. He stays fresh, and has the rocks to prove it. Besides having his own housing project, record label, liquor brand, ring tone business and show money, Flip no doubt has his hands in ten+ dirty hustle pies in Houston. flipCH2This entrepreneur keeps working and earning, so the effects his wastefulness are not immediately apparent. His advice to people wearing big chains? “If you ain’t got no felonies, get you a gun permit…or don’t wear it.” Good advice.chain10OK…I can’t begin to verbalize all the things wrong with this. If your piece is a functional, iced-out RC car, you have too much money and too few brains. Relinquish power of attorney to your parents immediately. Perhaps they can give better input on your finances and retirement than you can. You look like you’re wearing Ring Pops, too. ADVICE: Keep a wall of security around yourself.  

As we head back into the stupid and ridiculous; Gucci Mane:  


This silly-ass Gucci piece is as large as a dinner plate, and you’re wearing it over a $3 Wal-Mart wife beater. PRIORITIZE! Tone the jewels down and buy a shirt from the Gucci store! The other chain looks like an expensive valentine you get in the 2nd grade. “DA HOOD LOVE ME!” Get over yourself. Jeezy IS the hood…bet he does not love you. Whether it’s shooting his boy or wearing bid gaudy chains that you can’t protect; I can’t stress how big of a target you are painting on yourself.  


Yeah, you dropped The Last Testament and you blew up. Was this chain really a good idea? We both know that there are areas in Fort Myers that you would NOT wear that; a gunfight to defend it would be impossible to avoid (Michigan, MLK, Fowler and Palm Beach come to mind…) Yeah, we see; you’re a goon. Make it easy for the cops; people could start getting “specialty” pieces made up (safe-cracker, get-away driver, stick-up kid, etc…) I have no doubt that Plies would shoot a bitch for trying to take his shit; but with a watch like that out in a town with 15% unemployment, you’re asking for it. (Got a full-custom SK for sale; get at me Plies! -KZ)  

chain12Damn, P! I can’t believe how silly you look in that thing! Because as we all know, nothing say’s “I’ve obtained success!” like a piece featuring a cartoon version of your crew…that’s GANGSTA! Not really.  

 Hell, if you’re going to get the crew put on your chain, why not just go a step further? You’re clearly in love with yourself and your successes…get a pic of YOURSELF!   


Rick Ross wins the award in many counts, and self-indulgent chains are one of them. This alleged prison guard turned cocaine kingpin has a rocky self-portrait hanging around his face; along with the Carol City Cartel salad plate and much more. As absurd as this might seem, imagine paying for, and wearing the box of crayons?  I can’t put to words how “douche bag” that chain really is. Sean, help me grasp the logic behind such a frivolous purchase….  


 Holy shit…that Gucci again?  How much did you pay for that 6 lb. back breaker? You obviously can’t walk fast or move around without that thing awkwardly bumping into yourself or others. Gotta be hollow, too. This replica of the 27.5 oz. cereal box probably seemed like a good idea at the time, but now I’m sure you know better. This frivolous fool has also debuted the iced out Bart Simpson and Odie (of Garfield fame.) R-Tard.  



chain15This clown has blown nearly as much on jewelry as some small countries spend on defense. While he is contributing to a lot of current hot tracks, I feel he’s still spending well beyond his means. His music has a limited shelf life; eventually people will just stop listening. Ever heard this cat do a song without Autotune? Ugh. Sounds like someone’s fat Uncle Lester. Plan for retirement, my friend. Was the Aqua Teen Mooninites piece really a good long-term investment? The jeweler must have seen you coming from a mile away.  

Ghostface Killah:chain16First off, mad props…  

He’s always worn big medallions. As a former Wu-Tang Clan member, you’d think he has the longevity to keep up in the jewelry game. He’s got a new CD out now, but at last count, wasn’t he driving a gypsy cab? Was that Raekwon?   

chain17Nothing says I’ve got a little money AND I’m painfully ghetto like an iced-out pack of Newports. I will say gold star for originality…  

On the other hand:chain18Really? Bathing Ape clothing bought THAT? High Society Clothing makes BAPE look like Dora the Explorer. You’re a clothing designer; you really couldn’t create something more original than a dollar sign? Ugh.  

Busta Rhymes:chain20Now this cat CAN afford his jewels. Busta’s been in the game so long, his shit’s probably long-paid off. The cars and houses are covered by the records and movies he’s sold. Props! Busta can also pull off any ridiculous outfit that nobody else can; a rare quality.chain21Before his long stint in prison, Slick Rick helped to launch this phenomenon. Rick had gold teeth and heavy chains since before it even got cool. The eye patch is a nice touch, too; it used to be plain. I remember seeing a TV interview with Slick Rick once; he referred to viewers as “peasant-poor pieces of trash.” These people all want to really compete? Step your game up. In Dubai (where REAL Saudi oil MONEY is,) you can buy a gold chain mail SHIRT. If you’re really a baller, why just drape gold over your shirt? Get that shit right, son! Buy a shirt that costs what an Ivy League education does.chain22Billionaire Boys Club offers a gold rucksack. It’s styled after the original Louis Vuitton, and has the company’s diamond/dollar sign monogram applied. Wastefulness at it’s worst. backpackT-Pain should cop one of these bags; it would be perfect for his foreseeable future stay in Atlanta’s Salvation Army shelter. The BIG ASS CHAIN is a big-ass WASTE. chain23I don’t wish ill will, but man, I hope someone gets him for it. Some people start out buying platinum/diamond jewelery as a status symbol. This does not last. Could be, all he did was buy an expensive lesson.  

Oh Gucci…chain24So you got a Bart Simpson piece after all? Then, you realize you have contract issues about wearing it in public. Have the jeweler melt that thing down and try again.  


Hustlenomics, huh Joc? I’m guessing Forbes Magazine isn’t exactly calling to interview you about your stock portfolio. You’re clearly bubble gum, too. With that on, you can’t fight, you can’t run, you can’t commit felonies. Studio gangster.  


(In my best Middle Eastern voice 🙂   

“Ah Yeah, baby! Blingbling! Yeah beetch, I own this store. Thas my car. You likamy car?   


Come on, baby…I buy you nice things!”  


 …and big chains lead to big chains getting snatched…chain27Ross is probably 4 minutes into the show; not enough time to work up a sweat like that. He’s sweating profusely because his accountant indicates from backstage, that the chain was worth $60,000. Boss.  

So how else can we blow money to show others that we’re better than them?chain28Fashionable gas masks have been presented in Romania. A number of leading fashion designers have presented the magnificent gas masks:
Diddo Velema, Gucci and Louie Vuitton have unveiled these at a luxury exhibition in Bucharest. Really? Masks inlaid with brilliants and other precious metals and stones.
chain29Why not just cop one at the gun show for $12 like the rest of us?  

chain32Ice cream on top of Mount Kilimanjaro. Location is everything; they could sell this ice cream in any park in America and they’d go bankrupt over time. This business venture is marketed directly at free-spending, tree-hugger philanthropists on vacation. Pass.chain30How about $1.3 million for Russia’s priciest phone? With the amount of phones I have broken or lost over the years, I couldn’t think this would be a good idea. I’m a working guy; you’re a billionaire world traveler. You WILL lose that.chain31  

It’s one thing to be part of the chosen 1% of  consumers who could hold the mythical  Black Card. Very exclusive, I agree. But now we need a card with diamonds inlaid? You’d chip the rock off that just sliding into a wallet! Dumb.  

The world’s most expensive Gameboy (so far…)chain33It’s made of 18 K gold, and the display screen is surrounded by diamonds. Available through Swiss Supply, this toy was created by Aspreys of London (home of the most frivolous shit ever!)  Priced at $25,000; seems worth it.  

This brings to mind Just Blaze’s piece:justblaze  

 Not wasteful enough? Grillz for everyone! =)  

T-Pain, you look like a broke Mississippi pimp.chain34This is probably the exact same texture of this cat’s teeth under that gold.chain35Mike Tyson shows that gold inside one’s mouth isn’t a fix-all.chain36  

Why do I think that one-hit-wonder Soulja Boy has yet to pay that ridiculous shit off? chain37Looking all chinky-eyed and blazed…keep flossin, dog…some people in College Park are hungry enough to eat your still-beating heart for that bracelet.  

(Shots out to GA -KZ)chain38Looking better, but come on fellas….what lady wants to put her tongue in that?  

For the bubble gum thugs:chain39Grillz were trendy at one point, but it’s long gone.chain40Find another trend…maybe gold drugs?  



chain43chain44gold42Gold and this guy—>   

 completely owned by KZ.  



lil jon  



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