Mo Money, No Problems

Posted on October 27, 2009

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New York + money = Diddy. The story goes that Diddy had Cincinnati’s whole college football team thrown out of their Miami hotel so he could have his new year’s party there. He told the whole damn team to find somewhere else to go; and they did! He was apparently partying with Maroon 5’s singer, and they “didn’t want any distractions.” Imagine not only being that frivolous, but that arrogant as well? You couldn’t just rent out a few floors of it? Were you insecure about your guests ditching your party for that of a football team? I can appreciate your decision; everybody likes to be the main event. But even with your vast wealth, was that really a good financial decision to make in this troubled economy? What if a guy running one of your business ventures had made a move like that? You’d be pissed that he squandered your money so foolishly. Would you brag to the guys at Forbes about that? Lead by example!diddy1R-really? What a ridiculous accessory. How much did you blow on that stupid-ass thing? My guess is that you had some poor aid carry it around all night when not in use. Or worse, you held that gaudy thing up during most of the game. I’ll bet Nelly was smart enough to leave his gigantic basketball shoe cell phone cradle at home where it belonged. Dropping ridiculous amounts of money on dumb shit like this does not impress those around you; it confirms how out of touch with your common man you really are. Like wearing an iced-out Cartier watch to volunteer at a soup kitchen. They don’t respect you because of shit like that; half start plotting on you, the other half figure you think your better than them. diddy2With all the anti-gun politicians and Democrats you hobnob with, you probably had to borrow a gun from you’re your personal security detail to take this photo. Puff, stick to letting others pull triggers for you; it’s unbecoming. shyneI just don’t see you cutting your Hamptons lunch date with Martha Stewart short to commit murder.

Vote or Die!

It was noble that you were so interested in motivating young people to vote a few years back. Prediction: Give it five years; Diddy will formally enter politics. Senator Combs; sounds good, doesn’t it? diddy3Puff, you sure you know what you’re doing there? Did her gravitational pull draw you in or is that your flavor? I heard you wild out at parties, but damn! diddy4LA? You from the West now, Diddy? Was this a promotional photo to stop the violence? Nobody is bound to limit themselves to one team or coast, but… Was this shot taken while you were in LA? I’m guessing you wouldn’t show up in Brooklyn with that hat on; riots would ensue. You wear Boston Red Sox hats to Yankee games, too? Jay-Z is more conscientious about how he appears to others; he realizes that STREETS IS WATCHIN!diddy5Yeah, we all know that you spend a grip on the finest designer clothing available. Real talk, you look ridiculous in this fit. Only select people can pull off ANY outfit they wear (Busta Rhymes comes to mind.) You’re not one of those people. Tailor-made suits look good, but Archbishop Don Magic Juan couldn’t pull this one off. The shades are lame, and the pacifier makes you look like an immature asshole; not a billionaire businessman. You’re keeping pace with guys like Warren Buffet, not a Mississippi pimp; “Fashion Fail” on this one.diddy6By contrast; this suit is perfect. It says rich, stylish, confident, and admired. The pink one says: “Prince sent me these glasses; he thinks I have a keen fashion sense.”diddy7Fat and scrawny at the same time. Puff, we’ve had to put up with you flashing that bird chest since the “Big Poppa” video. Tone it up, and button a damn shirt over it. End of story. The problem is, you still see yourself as a heartthrob; that’s a big part of why the record sales slowed down. Male hip-hop fans don’t give a shit about your shiney, shaved chest and gut. Grow up.

”Puff, don’t ever sell out, ya dig? Please, man. No matter what…”diddy8Man, I wish BIG was still around. Imagine the amazing albums he could have released over the years? Diddy would still be selling records, too. I acknowledge that his first CD was HOT; but it seems like he fell off after that. As he got more successful in the business world, shot-caller lyrics (over increasingly poppy beats) became harder to believe. Diddy’s been behind some good acts, as well as some major flops. Clothing lines, fragrances, restaurants, charities, television shows….nothing but respect. But BIG seemed to keep you grounded in reality; you seem to prefer being a brand/image/company/mogul/host/celebrity rather than a normal person that people can talk to. You’re probably well-insulated with yes-men. Don’t let that money drive you crazy like it did Michael Jackson. You’re not better than the rest of us; just richer. You can’t buy your way into Heaven. You can’t knock Diddy too hard, though. He got that:diddy9Not only that, but he got her in the prime of (and launched) her career (before the baby and short haircut.)

I give Diddy nothing but respect; but he can get it (the truth/real talk) just like anybody else I mention. His successes far outweigh his wasteful misuse of funds and a few poor clothing choices.

-KZ

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