The McDonald’s Bulking Debate

Posted on October 27, 2009

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(Disclaimer: The following is opinion only; not libel. I’m not the type you try to crush; I’m the type you try to buy. -KZ)

Binging or Bulking?mcd01Bulking; that’s what bodybuilders call eating whatever the hell you want (especially protein-rich foods) in an effort to gain weight. It’s essentially binge eating with a purpose. McDonald’s is especially good for bulking; greasy, delicious double cheeseburgers for a buck. However, food like this, guns, drugs, or cars are all able to be misused.mcd02Here’s how people look when they “bulk:” Notice the platter of food. Fat asses sometimes stand while eating, too. It’s kind of surprising, as fat people typically tend to tire easily.mcd03I guess this kid is a bulking bodybuilder, too. I’m sure it has nothing to do with poor parenting or self control; he’s in training.mcd04Pizza is a good way to bulk up, too. If you want both pizza and McDonald’s, you shouldn’t settle for just one; combine them! Since we’re a nation of fat, lazy slugs, it’d be sweet if McDonald’s would go ahead and combine them for us. So, um, hint hint…mcd05“Bulkers” will eat anything in the name of intentional weight gain! This lady may as well have pulled a winning lottery ticket out of the box. Pretty gross, but it’s better than “slipping on pee pee at the Costco!” A chicken head or not; splash a little bit of hot sauce…there’s still some good meat on that thing.

It had to be at a Japanese McDonald’s; America banned serving cool food like this long ago. Way to save us from ourselves, Big Brother.mcd06AKA the McFatFuckmcd07“You will buy my high-fat protein matter (not legally food) and you will abuse them!” The Mega Mac didn’t destroy us, nor did the video games. Then Asia sent us Pokemon, lead toys, poison pet food, Internet spam, SARS, and Chinese drywall. What would you expect from a nation that contains North Korea, superior business models, and hot Asian chicks?

Coming soon: They will devalue the U.S. Dollar, create and dispatch battle cyborgs, and eventually take us over. We’ll be fat and without assault weapons by then, making it very easy for them.

Please corporate master, don’t let these fat fucks file lawsuits!mcd08Bulking up pays off; think of the women you’ll be able to attract when you’re that ripped! Unfortunately, your new heart condition will make sex impossible. Have another burger.mcd09Here’s how your “all-beef patties” were conceived;mcd10the ass meat of 3000 different cows.mcd11Sweet. Now you can be a fat ass, while being a fat ass…only in America. You can consume an entire tray of apple pies and a bottomless coffee as you check your e-mail.

Yep…draw the parallels:mcd12Now schools are conducting field trips to McDonald’s? Perfect. Kids can see their futures (both career and health.) Parents should be pissed about this, but they’re not. They have been preconditioned by a society that allows soda companies to sponsor schools. mcd13Where is the outrage? Right here.mcd14a) Bulk up, AND work my glutes?  b) Insert fat ass joke here, c) Finally; a little truth in advertising.

This must be where the term “tossed salad” came from.mcd15A well-balanced meal; fat, lazy American style.mcd16“Don’t forget your bucket of cola, sir!”mcd17You want $6 for that? Go to Taco Bell, enjoy the food, and get three times as much. You’re going to shit your guts out regardless; you may as well have nachos first.mcd18A month’s intake of calories, protein, and sodium. With the proper “herbal” motivation, I could probably finish this beast in two sittings. It would be the best (and maybe last) day of my life.mcd19Bulking up does not always pay off; stop lifting for just one day, and the food takes over.

“Payback’s a bitch, fat-peddler! We knew something was wrong with a guy who has a playground full of kids at every location.”mcd20(McDonald’s; thoroughly OWNED by KZ)

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