Just…Wow. (Full book)

Posted on February 16, 2010

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Just…Wow.

Written and illustrated by KZ

“Just…Wow” is an off-the-wall collection of ideas. Every inch of this 28-pg. (32-panel) book is 100% hand-illustrated. This prototype is ready for publish, and there are several other books like it in the works. Enjoy!

Just…Wow:The cover questions the logic of a sewage treatment plant and drinking water company drawing water from the same body of water. Even with advances in sterilization, how could society tolerate this?

Great Party:The inner cover features a reverse keg party; beer kegs nonchalantly tap and drink a couple of frat boys. (I love giving human traits to inanimate objects.)

Consequences:A young man participates in the Derby of Soap Box Racers. At the end of the track, he realizes too late that there are two separate courses; FINISH and CERTAIN DEATH. (Why would they put that there!?)

Promotions:What would you do for a promotion? This Texturco employee aims to sway her boss’ decision by literally eating her young

(note the Prozac shirts on the children.)

The Silver Lining of:Falling 47 stories. Sure, you’re plummeting to your death; but look! A bluejay! Your demise may be 1.3 seconds away, but at least appreciate this unique interaction with nature!

Policy:As a former Sam’s Club employee, I can appreciate the public’s distain for their elitist policies. This door greeter requires a driver’s license, a membership card, a DNA sample, a credit report, a first-born child, a lock of your mother’s hair, a retinal scan, and $35 membership fee to let a “member” inside. Remember, Non-business members found inside before 10 a.m. will be shot.)

Smoking:

These disgusting cigarette brands would be sure to break even the most seasoned smoker of the habit. Try all 3!*

-Mystery Lights (containing pet hair, lint, sand, and more.)

-Wets Full Flavor (Formaldahyde-dipped cigarettes.)

-Embers (a full flavor cremation ash and tobacco blend.) (*May cause vomiting)

When Good Cars Go Bad: One morning, this rebellious car decided to give Steve a taste of his own medicine. Car attacks are on the rise; this is a textbook example.

Classic Overreaction:This roommate is angry after the consumption of his last beer and breakfast burrito. He responds by wiring the entire house with military-grade c-4 explosive. A murder suicide may seem a bit rash, but come on, the last beer!

Social Awareness:Human drivers ofter catch unfair blame for drunk driving accidents. What we fail to see is the phenomenon of drunk cars. Automobiles are notorious alcoholics. Did you know:

-Cars are involved in 100% of all auto accidents.

-Drivers are often blamed & punished.

-There are currently no laws/penalties on the books for drunk cars.

Love What You Do:It does not matter what your job is; you just have to do something you like. This cheerful janitor whistles carefree as he swabs the conference room floor with his trusty blood bucket. Are you really happy with your current job?

Real Life:How cat fights REALLY go down. When cats go toe to toe, it isn’t always about hissing and clawing. Cats representing rival biker gangs fight with tire jacks, knives, pistols, or anything wlse they can get their hands on. “Let’s go, pussy.”

True Crime:Segway jacking is the hot, new trend in crime. These worthless scooters are status symbols for nerds and mall cops alike. Here we see a victim pleading for his attacker to not take his ride, as his legs are far too atrophied to walk home.

Real Life:How Snapping Turtles Really Live. Besides laying eggs and swimming, these creatures are blessed with a lot of free time. They use this time to become ‘masters of the mama joke.’  “Your mama is so old and leathery, she just went for about $350 at the vintage gym bag auction!” Damn!

Practical Idea:This convict explains to the parole board that he has a fear of freedom. While the concept seems absurd to one member, another is sympathetic; and armed with a solution. Parole is granted. By evening, the ex-con is resting at home; with bars on his windows and doors to lock him in. Problem solved.

Frivolous:The debut of Frivolous; The World’s Most Wasteful Rapper. As CEO of Poor House Records, Friv spends his days (and money) in the most ridiculous ways possible. Along with labelmates Cash Boy and Squanque, Frivolous reminds the world just how poor we all are compared to him. From the dinosaur farm and waterslide mountain, to the space shuttle and Louis XIII vending machine…Friv Got That. (I have an entire book of Frivolous in the works as well.)

Bad Idea:The prison/elementary school carpool. As school districts and prison systems search for ways to cut operating costs, some genius came up with the idea of the two sharing a bus ride. A group of innocent, wide-eyed children happily ride to school; on the other side of the gun line, a group of hardned criminals en route to court. I’m sure that nothing good can come of this…

Sick Tradition:Onionade. Part of the Sick Tradition Series. A young entrepenuer sets up shop in her driveway. Her key demographic is everybody who would pay for a cold glass of onionade on a hot day. As this is a hypothetical scenario, there is no shortage of customers. “Just like Grandma Used to Make!”

Cheap Shot:It’s bad enough to target women and children for assassination; but the scenario can get even more offensive. Here, our hitman has slipped a box of TNT in with the kids’ gifts on Christmas morning. He even had the gall to sign Grandma’s name to it. Dad is oblivious, and mom realizes (too late) that something’s amiss.

Sick Tradition:Thanksgiving Goat: What if at some point in history, our ancestors decided that roasting goats was a better tradition than turkey? Imagine frozen goats (wrapped in plastic with legs still attached) filling up space in the meat department of your local grocery store.

Wrong Tools:When eliminating a star federal witness, try using a gun without the words Nerf, Super Soaker, or Airsoft on them. It just won’t work.

Bad Idea:“Just…Wow.” proposes several bad ideas. Here we have backyard wrestling. Not in the sense of teens jumping off tables and swinging flourescent light bulbs to hurt each other. Here we have two kids wrestling as dad mows the lawn. He has headphones and sunglasses on; effectively eliminating any notion that children may be near his running mower. After getting too close, this boy is harshly reminded why backyard wrestling is a bad idea.

Malpractice:Mr. Jones has broken his leg. Here he is post-surgery. He is thankful that the hospital has a ‘voluntary doner program,’ which has allowed his leg to be fixed. What he fails to realize, is that the doctor (and sexy Nurse Inonit) are actually killing turkeys and harvesting their organs for transplant. Terrifying stuff.

Broke Rapper:Meet 3-Cent A.K.A. Crack: The Consumer. Recently dropped from Frivolous’ Poor House Records, The Consumer now loiters on park benches plotting his revenge. After a week of being a free agent, he’ll cut a record AND the grass right now, for $20. Maintains close ties with D.J. Lightzzout (another former Poor House artist who’s electricity is off due to non-payment.) Note the 3rd place bowling trophey on a bungee cord that’s replaced his once-mighty chain. That’s gangster.

Strip Poker:What could be better than dogs playing poker? How about three male dogs cheating  at the game to get a lone poodle bitch to take it off?

First Days:First days anywhere can be hard; especially when a cruel tattoo artist marks you for death the day before you report to federal prison. Inmates in the yard are already sharpening shanks…

Frivolous Upgrades:Frivolous threw all of yesterdays jewels in the trash. Now, he’s on some next-level, Queen Victoria-type shit. His chain features a gold and diamond fishbowl with a rare fish inside. Pockets bursting with cash, Friv is draped head-to-toe in only the finest KZ High Society clothing.

Bad Idea:Pool tables in jail. While they’re a good way to pass the time, pool tables seem like they would cause a lot of arguements in jail. They also put pool cues in the hands of violent felons. This can’t end well.

Off-Color Occasion Cakes:(Another series) There are many situations in life that don’t call for a festive cake. Why not give one anyways? It would sure lighten the mood!

Chicken Plant:Beginning to end view inside the Chicken Processing Plant. On his way in, one brave bird realizes his fate, and takes a stand.

Also from KZ:Other titles available from KZ Concepts. Also contains thank-you’s and contact info.

Chunky Clump Cola:Back cover; indicates that this book was sponsored in part by Chunky Clump Cola.

Chunky Clump Cola; a premium chum and vomit-flavored cola.

“Refreshing and filling!”

 

Feedback is always appreciated. Thank you.

-KZ

Buy me: kzconcepts@yahoo.com

KZ Concepts 2009 All Rights Reserved

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