Lebron, Obama, Oil, and a lot more gripes…

Posted on July 8, 2010


I have bit my tongue for so long now. As our oceans fill up with toxic oil, politicians openly cheat and shit-talk, I have kept my nasty opinion to myself. I just have to vent before I find myself in a standoff with a SWAT team somewhere…

Explore your Wormhole?Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman: This show explores the origins of life, the possibility of time travel, as well as the physics of our galaxy. This is actually a pretty clever show, and Freeman makes it all the more pleasant (while he is “just” an actor, I still think he seems more Presidential than a Rolex.) On the topic of time travel: Even if time travel were possible, would we would only be able to go back to when the machine was created? This show seems like an old NOVA show or something. Morgan Freeman’s narration neatly packages cheesy graphics, unanswerable questions, and endless possibilities. Normally, TV execs would eviscerate themselves before pitching a show about Einstein/geek/science in earshot of their peers; but this show works. I’m told that there are few things better than tuning out the world, introducing some sticky bud to the equation, and pondering our origins. By the show’s end, no matter how insignificant you may feel, you’re heavily stoned and ready for bed; win-freakin’-win. 

 Political Cluster-Eff!Let’s see, what does cable news have to say? We have pundits from all sides taking shots at one another. MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann slams Fox’s Glenn Beck nightly. Man, Beck gives him so many good reasons to do so. Rush Limbaugh offends everybody but his golf buddies. These people are merely mental foreplay for the real action; politicians. Joe “I’m a Tad Better than Palin Would Have Been” Biden frequently swears in TV interviews now. Not that I keep it rated “PG,” but Joe, you represent us all. Show some pride! You seem to think that you come off as a straight-shooter; sort of. While a few swears and from-the-hip responses may appear down-to earth, you strike the average American as a guy trying too hard.  

By the time I get to Arizona…

The state of Arizona passes a law that allows police to detain people, requiring documentation of American citizenship. Didn’t they try that policy in Nazi Germany…and it didn’t fly? It chaps my ass to know that people are sneaking into America, but immigration has to happen. Is a police state really going to “solve” anything? I understand that “not” profiling Hispanics in Arizona may seem like a sure-fire method for catching illegal aliens. This is nothing more than a slippery slope toward national ID cards.NASA is said to be attempting to build relations with Muslim nations. We brutalize and stomp around in their region, but we really just want to be friends with them, right? I won’t even make the obvious ‘space shuttle car bomb’ joke, but it’s not a good idea. Does our government really want to help other nations put defense and spy satellites in orbit? If we really want to win these people over, why not stop controlling them? By now, one would think that genuine news outlets would be able to differentiate between actual “NEWS,” and celebrity gossip. Extended coverage of Lindsay Lohan’s most recent court date is called news. What a hot mess. While she is touted as an out-of-control celebrity, is this event really important enough to discuss rather than say, millions of gallons slowly killing our planet? This afternoon, MSNBC pointed out many times that Lindsay had “Fuck You” written on her middle fingernail in court. Who the hell cares? She’s been in a few movies; does it really matter to other viewers how this chick carries herself in the course of her day? If a two-time offender named Tyrone in Detroit violated his parole, would MSNBC feel obligated to announce breaking news, and cut away to Tyrone in court? Hell no. News outlets, please, leave the trash TV thing to TMZ. They pride themselves on simply covering celebrity status. There is no reason I should be reading Lebron James’ tweets and Obama/McChrystal/Petraeus updates in the same block of programming.

King Lebron?

After more than a month of anticipation, we’ll soon know where Akron’s cousin will play next season. His recent plunge into the world of Twitter should be enough, yes? The guy gained 220,000+ followers in a day. The entire world would know within an hour. If that’s not enough, have the NBA announce it, post it on your website; and if that isn’t enough, do a simple 3 minute TV interview. Oh no…not for a King. Real talk; Just me to Lebron personally: Dog, quit believing the hype. You’re just one man. You grew up where I did, we played ball in the same areas, and my family went to St. V. Stay grounded. The average fan is so sick of you biding your time. Obviously you know where you’re going. I’m not sure if it was your idea or IMG’s, but a special announcement show on ESPN? Have you lost touch? I hate to play the MJ card, but even with all those Championship WINS, Mike wouldn’t have played himself like this. He would have made a dignified announcement. Just get it over with. We’d be happy if you stayed in Cleveland, but at what cost? I refuse to kiss your ass to keep you here. Between the “We Are The World” remake by Cleveland’s elite, Akron’s “Please Stay” rally, etc…I’m a bit sick of you! If you do leave, you’ll surely bruise Ohio’s pride and ego. I understand you going with the Knicks, and New Jersey (but only if they move to Brooklyn.) I hope you get your rings; but stop enjoying your own silence and the world’s chatter so much! Good luck, playboy…

Nathan’s Foot-Long Deep Throat Contest:Nathan’s hot dog eating contest. In itself, competitive eating is gross. I have no interest in it, and staged drama only further cheapens the “sport.” Japan’s  made an intern Takeru Kobayashi made an international ass of himself by rushing the stage and getting himself arrested. To authenticate the bogus nature of the incident, the guy wore a “Free Kobi” shirt during. What a tool; play by the rules, or don’t play. Start your own competitive eating league. This tripe doesn’t belong on news stations; keep this nonsense on Youtube or Maury where it belongs.


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